


more than one truth

by JaggedCliffs



Category: DCU, The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Character Study, Gen, Introspection, Loki: Agent of Asgard #17 AU, Reconciliation, not a conventional AU but it is what it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 10:52:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12057462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaggedCliffs/pseuds/JaggedCliffs
Summary: Instead of being shot, Savitar is sucked back into the Speed Force during his fight with Team Flash. But since he never existed in the first place, Barry still has to fill the prison. They're both there for a reason, because the Speed Force never does anything without a purpose.Barry and Savitar have unfinished business with each other, and the Speed Force wants them to finish it.





	more than one truth

**Author's Note:**

> The impetus for this fic was from [a post I made back in May](http://jaggedcliffs.tumblr.com/post/161040173791/last-night-i-realized-the-reason-i-was-so), a few days after the finale, that stemmed from [this beautiful image](http://jaggedcliffs.tumblr.com/post/160384237186/hhdbhn-lemme-just-real-quick-post-this) from the end of the comic series _Loki: Agent of Asgard_. Both _The Flash_ 's season 3 and _Agent of Asgard_ have a similar story in that the protagonist’s evil future self goes back in time to complete a time loop to ensure that their future evil self exists, while also messing with their present self. Meanwhile, their present self struggles to get out of the time loop and manages to succeed, much to the future self's ire. But _Agent of Asgard_ handle the end of the evil future self much differently from _The Flash_ , with more reconciliation between the two selves, and I decided I liked _Agent of Asgard_ 's ending much better. So I decided to write it for Savitar and Barry.
> 
> Oblivious there are quite a few differences between the two situations, but I tried my best to nail down the tone and understanding between Barry and Savitar. I had also wanted to put Savitar in the Speed Force the big final fight...but that would mean Killer Frost/Caitlin couldn't end up somewhere in between her two selves, plus I wanted Iris and Caitlin to save themselves, and I was too lazy to think of another way for that to happen.
> 
> I realize it would've been more relevant to post this story back in May, rather than, like, 4 months later, but that's my writing speed for you.

Barry hadn't noticed Cisco tampering with the speed bazooka as they fought. Neither must have Savitar.

It took both of them by surprise when the blast of energy hit Savitar from behind, enveloping him in shattering blue light. Covering his eyes, Barry heard a howl split the air, one so much like those torn from his own throat – after he'd found out Zoom's true identity, or as he'd watched Zoom put a hand through his dad's chest. Those same emotions, pouring out of him.

Rage. Fear.

Pain.

When the light and the scream faded, Savitar was gone, and instead there was Iris, bazooka aimed at the empty space where the time remnant once stood. Her shock lasted for a second, before she dropped the weapon and ran into Barry's arms.

 

 

_* * *_

 

 

When the Speed Storm hit the city and Nora Allen stepped out of the Speed Force, Barry somehow didn't feel surprised.

“We _filled_ the prison.” Beneath the tears, Iris' eyes shone with outrage and desperation. “You shouldn't _have_ to leave. The Speed Force can't take you _now_ , after everything we've been through.”

Barry held her. The same swirl of emotion he saw in Iris felt muted in him, submerged beneath the cold waters of acceptance.

Understanding

“Savitar never existed,” he said, and the Speed Force's image of Nora nodded. “You can't fill a hole with something that was never there.”

 

 

_* * *_

 

 

This time, when Barry entered the Speed Force, nothing solidified out of its roiling energy. Instead, walking hand-in-hand with his mom, the colours diffused, storms of reds and blues mixing with veins of yellow lightning.

As the colours grew fainter, Barry realized he was alone.

He continued to walk.

The Speed Force bled out, the energy about him slowing to a crawl. Walking on, nothing was left but the white of lightning, marbled and frozen. The white nothingness engulfed him, stretching on endlessly...

Except for the lone, dark blotch of a figure in the distance.

It could have been an eternity, it could have been a fraction of a second, before Barry was at the figure's side.

The figure didn't turn around.

_“_ _Go away.”_

Barry sat down beside him anyway. “There's nowhere else to go.”

Savitar said nothing. He turned his head away, the scarred side of his face just visible.

They sat, positions mirrored, knees drawn up to their chests, arms wrapped across their legs. His comfort position, Barry knew. Soaking alone in misery until Joe or Iris found him.

Savitar's scream still echoed in his ears.

Barry considered reaching out, putting a hand on Savitar's shoulder. He decided against it.

“For what it's worth,” he began, “I'm sorry.”

Silence.

“I know I'm not the same version of myself that created you, or rejected you, and now I never will be...but I'm sorry.”

Silence, still.

“I – the me that did this – shouldn't have done this to you. Shouldn't have created you.”

A snarl, face whipping around meet Barry's eyes with a glare. “I still _want_ to exist. As I _am_. Otherwise, I would have left well enough alone.”

Barry didn't flinch. Softly, he asked, “But do you really want to exist like _this?_ ”

Something flickered over Savitar's face, then it was gone. “And whose fault is that?” he snapped.

“Mine. And yours,” Barry said simply.

Savitar's eyes narrowed and he growled low in his throat, but he only jerked his head back around to face the whiteness.

Barry knew himself well enough to recognize that as agreement. Stubborn, self-hating agreement.

Barry shifted infinitesimally closer. He unclenched one hand from around his knee, and settled it in the space between them. As gently as before, he said, “We tried to help you–”

“It wouldn't have worked.” The snarl was only a shadow this time, eclipsed by resignation. The hands on Savitar's knees tightened, fingers digging his legs. “There was no room for me in our life last time, and there wouldn't be any room this time. I would've been forgotten, pushed aside for _you_. _Again_.” Savitar looked down. “It _has_ happened again,” he whispered, voice broken.

His face held the same expression as in the cortex with Iris, the same as when Barry met him in that dark, abandoned warehouse and tried to coax him back home.

And Barry knew that, for whatever reason they were both here, he wouldn't fix it this way. This wasn't how Joe got him back on his feet, how Iris got him to stop dwelling on his fears. Apologies and accusations weren't what they needed. Moving forward, always moving forward – that was what they knew.

“Except this time,” Barry said, “I'm here with you.”

Savitar rolled his eyes. “Oh, great, just what I needed. More time alone with myself.” His voice was biting, the soft, broken note long gone.

Barry still pushed forward. “We're not alone. The Speed Force is here.” He risked lightly bumping his knee against Savitar's and was rewarded with an offended look, but Savitar didn't draw away. Barry took that as a good sign. “It's brought us together, hasn't it? That _has_ to be for a reason. Like why we're here, instead where you and Wally and Jay were last time.” Barry swallowed. “Like why you haven't been erased from the timeline.”

Whether it was a twitch or a flinch from Savitar, Barry couldn't tell. “Not _yet_ , you mean,” Savitar growled, glaring forward at the endless white.

“How do you know it's not forever?” Barry countered.

If Savitar existed to fill the prison, then Barry didn't need to be here. If Savitar didn't exist, then someone else had to. If it was both ways, then the Speed Force was responsible.

And if the Speed Force wanted Barry, and only Barry, well...there was a reason for that too, wasn't there?

“If you have all the answers, then _why,_ ” Savitar said mockingly, yet one of his hands trembled against his knee. “Why am I _here?_ ”

Barry looked out at the the marbled white lightning, wishing the Speed Force would send him some sign, some hint he was on the right track. But the lightning remained frozen.

If there was a message, it was that he had to do this alone.

He took a breath, and blurted out, “I – I think it might be the same as me.” Repeating the words he'd told Iris, his friends and his family, he said, “This is our punishment.” This time, Barry didn't hesitate to reach out, laying his hand atop the one still shaking on Savitar's knee. “This is our redemption.”

“It's a prison,” Savitar snarled, yanking his hand away. “It's _hell_.”

“Not anymore. Not for us.” Barry turned, dropping one leg to the ground to turn and face Savitar, even if Savitar wouldn't face him. “I think we're here to learn. To see our mistakes.” If neither of them were stuck in the prison, if the Speed Force brought them together, it _had_ to be to help, not hurt.

Savitar barked out a laugh. “I spent eons in here – I've learnt enough. I've seen my mistake over and over, endlessly. And as for you,” Savitar twisted around to face him, face inches from his, teeth bared. “I think you see _your_ mistakes just fine – it's the only thing you _can_ see here, _right?_ ”

“No, I didn't mean–” Barry sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“But you're _sorry_ for my existence, aren't you? We both agree, I shouldn't exist like _this_.” Savitar's voice was smug as he threw Barry's words back in his face, every word bitten out sharp and crisp. “So what am I but _a mistake?_ ”

“You're – I mean you–” Barry fumbled for an answer, that _no_ , Savitar _wasn't_ just a mistake–

Except he was.

He was just Barry's stupid mistake.

When Barry couldn't find an answer, Savitar smiled, wolfish, but with an edge to it that was more than a little mad. It was disconcerting – _wrong_ , like a distorted reflection in a fun-house mirror.

“Have you ever thought,” Savitar said placidly, still smiling that wrong smile, “that the Speed Force doesn't always have your best interests at heart, _Barry?_ ”

It was Barry's turn to remain silent, running a hand through his hair as he tried to think.

Maybe he hadn't been on the right track after all. Maybe there was another reason for this place. Because Savitar couldn't be right – could he? This _couldn't_ be just another prison for the two of them, punished together for their own separate crimes, for eternity–

But the Speed Force hadn't acted like the last time Barry entered it, when it was still angry about Flashpoint. It was more like the first time, when he had to learn a lesson, before it sent him back.

So what was the lesson here?

What did he have to learn from Savitar – from his mistake with Flashpoint?

Because it all came down to Flashpoint. All the bad things that gone down this past year had something or other to do with Flashpoint. Even if Iris insisted that Dante might have died, that Caitlin could have developed powers, no matter what Barry had done, it had still all happened because of Barry's choice.

Just like Savitar only existed because of Barry.

_He_ wouldn't have happened if Barry hadn't gone back to save his mother. _Even_ if everything else might have happened, right down to Baby John instead of Sara, Savitar couldn't have _just_ happened if–

A thought flitted across Barry's mind, and he grasped at it, just as he realized Savitar was talking.

“If you're done sermonizing,” Savitar sneered “I'm going to find my own spot out here. Don't take upon yourself to follow–”

“No,” Barry interrupted, head snapping up.

“No, you'll still follow me, or no, you're still–”

“ _No_ , you aren't _just_ my mistake,” Barry said slowly, parsing through the idea.

“What?” Savitar asked flatly, blinking at him.

“It's...” Barry chewed on the side of his cheek, thinking of the best way to put it. “I mean, it's _my_ fault you existed after Flashpoint. It's my fault that all this took place – you, Dante, Caitlin, Baby Sara…” It was different admitting it out loud, than in his thoughts. There was a lump starting up in his throat. Barry swallowed past it. “Even the Dominators, or small changes like the panic button and the speed room. But they were things that _could_ have happened. Diggle and Lyla could have had a boy. And Dante, the accident...and Caitlin...” The lump in his throat return, and even after all these months, the guilt still hurt, jabbing deep into his gut and roiling through his stomach.

It was Savitar looking at him out of the corner of his good eye, bored and vaguely amused at Barry's guilt, that had Barry pushing past it. “But how does a time loop just _happen?_ ” he asked. “It's not a car accident or a meta gene that's activated. It's the future, not the the past, with no beginning and no end. It – _you_ – aren't like the other mistakes I made. You only exist because you _always_ existed after Flashpoint, not because you could have appeared without it. Like Iris told me – us – we're _not_ gods. I can't cause _that_ by myself.”

The boredom slipped from Savitar's face. In fact, emotion drained from it altogether, and stone-faced, he looked forward again, out at the Speed Force calcified.

Gently, so lightly that his fingers scarcely touched, Barry put his hand on Savitar's shoulder. “I don't think you're _only_ my mistake. I think you're _more_ than that. You weren't a random change after I messed up, like the rest – you exist for a _purpose_. You were _made_ to exist for a purpose. Like how we're both here now, for a purpose.”

Savitar was so still, Barry wasn't sure if he was breathing. He seemed frozen, like the lightning that surrounded them. And for a piercing moment, Barry thought he was wrong, and Speed Force had already started to erase Savitar from time.

Then Savitar's head shot up, and he laughed. A sharp, biting laugh, that had no humour in at all.

“A purpose? You think that what, the _Speed Force_ made me exist – for a _purpose?_ ” He shook his head, and his grip on his knees finally loosened. He dropped one knee to the ground, mirroring Barry's posture to face him head-on. All humour abruptly dropped, and, face twisted in rage, he spat, “No, I'll tell you why I'm _here_. To teach _you_ –” He jabbed a finger at Barry's chest “–a lesson. To show you what you _could_ be if you fell far enough. To teach you not to mess with time. But not for _me_. _Never_ for _me_. Always for the _real_ _Barry Allen_.” Savitar exploded to his feet, and Barry scrambled back. “I _watched_ Zoom kill Dad, _same as you_. I had to live through Mom's death _three_ _times, same_ _as you_. And then _Iris_ –” Savitar's voice broke and he looked away. As Barry carefully got to his feet, he noticed Savitar's eyes were wet.

Savitar still bared his teeth and snarled, “But you got to live on, while I got _this_. I got the prison that _you_ – you, Barry, _created for me._ So congratulations, _Barry_. You won. I lost. I don't know what makes _you_ so fucking special over _me_ , that you got to keep Iris and Wally and Caitlin when I got _nothing_ – why I had to be the one that _failed_.” Tears were trickling from Savitar's eyes, twisting his voice into something broken beneath the helpless rage. “What did _you_ do that was so _different_ from me? Why did _I_ have to live through _her death_ for _you_?”

He suddenly grabbed Barry by the collar and screamed, “ _Why did I have to be driven insane_ _ **over**_ _and_ _ **over**_ _just for_ _ **you**_ _? Why not for_ _ **me**_ _instead? Why couldn't_ _ **I**_ _have saved Iris?”_ Just as abruptly, he shoved Barry back. “Why couldn't _I_ have been saved?” he rasped. “I was still _you._ I _am_ still you. I just wanted my life back.” He swiped a hand across the tears running down his face. “I want my life.”

He didn't sound like Savitar anymore. Like with Savitar's howl when he was first plunged into the Speed Force, Barry heard himself. He heard the Barry of 2024, broken, beaten, lost.

And Barry thought he knew what the lesson was.

Barry closed the distance between them, and wrapped his arms around Savitar.

This time, Savitar didn't push him away.

“It's okay,” Barry whispered. “It should have been your life.”

_It could have been_ _**my** _ _life._

_In another time, it was._

Savitar sagged against Barry. There were slight tremors running through him.

“Maybe,” Barry said quietly, “you're not just here for me. Maybe I'm here for you too. For us both to learn a lesson. If you're what I could be, then I'm what you could be too. Again.”

Savitar didn't respond at first, still shaking.

Then, awkwardly, hesitantly, like he had forgotten the motions of it, Savitar hugged Barry back.

Against his shoulder, Barry felt the drops of two tears, and a rough, jerky nod.

Unexpectedly, something bloomed in Barry's chest – relief, or happiness, or somewhere between, he couldn't tell. He just squeezed Savitar's shoulders tighter.

Until, beyond Savitar's head, Barry noticed movement.

The Speed Force had shifted.

Jagged lightning slowly unfroze, languidly making it's way across the white.

Savitar must have caught the movement too, for he flinched away from Barry, first looking down at the sluggish lightning below them, tears still tracing their way down his scars. Then his eyes darted up and around at the whiteness, like an animal caged.

Feeling as calm as when joined his hand with Nora Allen's, Barry watched the great expanse begin to move. The lightning shifted from oozing to flickering, like the Speed Force had awakened.

Voice small, Savitar asked, “What happens now?”

“I don't know.” Colour was leeching back into the Speed Force, vibrant reds and yellows, sparks of blue mixing with the white.

Barry turned to himself and smiled. “Should we see what comes next?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to see how much of the story/dialogue/situation I used from the comic, I posted most of the relevant pages [here](http://jaggedcliffs.tumblr.com/post/165213856916/should-we-see-what-comes-next-loki-agent-of).
> 
> If you'd like to know more about the comic, which is a cumulation of several years worth of character build-up, there is an amazing, incredible, and all-together perfect write-up of it [here](https://becomingthevillainess.wordpress.com/2016/10/27/the-house-always-wins-agency-and-metafiction-in-journey-into-mystery-and-loki-agent-of-asgard/). The essay is rather long, but it's brilliant and basically everything I wish I could have written about the comics if I had the time. It doesn't really have much to do with _The Flash_ , apart from being a meta-narrative on the nature of comics themselves and how they refuse to let characters change – which could apply to Savitar, just as well.


End file.
